Beyond the Surface: Recognising Primary and Secondary Emotions for True Emotional Clarity
- Melanie Rivera
- Jul 16
- 4 min read
Updated: Oct 8
By Melanie Rivera | Integrative Therapist & Wellbeing Coach
Have you ever found yourself snapping in anger, only to realise later that you were really feeling hurt or afraid?
Moments like this reveal something profoundly human — what we feel on the surface is not always what’s happening underneath - Beyond the surface!
In therapy, I often see clients caught in loops of frustration, guilt, or shame. These emotions can linger, complicating how we see ourselves and how we connect with others. But beneath these secondary emotion layers lies a more vulnerable, authentic core — our primary emotions.
Understanding this difference isn’t just a therapeutic insight; it’s a powerful life skill that helps us respond with honesty, compassion, and courage.
What Are Primary Emotions?
Primary emotions are instinctive, natural, and often vulnerable. They arise directly from an experience such as sadness after a loss, fear in response to threat, or joy when something meaningful happens. They carry important information about our needs, values, and sense of safety.
Psychologist Paul Ekman (1992) identified six universal primary emotions — joy, sadness, fear, anger, surprise, and disgust — all serving adaptive functions. They prepare us to act and connect, rooted in the brain’s older, more instinctive systems.
Antonio Damasio (1994) described primary emotions as signals from within — a language of the body that communicates before we even have words. They are immediate and raw, guiding us towards what matters most.
When we allow ourselves to experience these emotions fully, we become more aligned with our truth — not stuck in the story, but connected to what the feeling is trying to tell us.
What Are Secondary Emotions?
Secondary emotions Secondary emotions are more complex. They’re emotions about emotions — learned responses that protect us from what feels too painful or exposed.
For instance:
Fear may turn into anger when it feels safer to lash out than admit we’re scared.
Sadness may turn into guilt if we were taught that being sad makes us weak.
Hurt may transform into resentment when we feel unseen or unappreciated.
Secondary emotions serve as emotional armour. They help us survive discomfort but, over time, they keep us disconnected — from our needs, from others, and from ourselves.
When we act from these secondary states, we often attack, withdraw, or numb. When we touch into the primary emotion beneath, we move closer to healing, understanding, and connection.
The Difference in Practice
Primary Emotions | Secondary Emotions |
Instinctive and natural | Learned and protective |
Vulnerable and connecting | Defensive and distancing |
Arise directly from experiences | React to other emotions |
Help us express needs honestly | Keep us stuck in reactivity |
Bring intimacy and calm | Lead to blame, guilt, or avoidance |
Recognising which layer we’re in changes everything. When we meet a primary emotion, we can respond. When we get trapped in a secondary emotion, we tend to react.
Why This Distinction Matters
When we respond only to the surface emotion — the frustration, guilt, or defensiveness — we risk missing what’s truly going on underneath. This can:
Prolong emotional distress
Lead to rumination and overthinking
Strain relationships
Fuel anxiety or low mood
Understanding what’s beneath doesn’t make the pain vanish, but it makes it meaningful. Instead of spiralling, we begin to see patterns: what triggers us, what we fear losing, and what we might need.
As therapist Renee Skeeters (2022) notes, recognising primary emotions is key to emotional regulation. It’s how we shift from self-blame to self-understanding — from reaction to reflection.
These reactions are often learned responses based on past experiences, family dynamics, or cultural expectations. They can obscure our true feelings, making it harder to understand what’s really going on inside.
Vulnerability: The Gateway to Connection
It’s far easier to show irritation (secondary) than sadness (primary). Yet when we find the courage to name what’s really happening — “I feel hurt,” “I feel afraid,” “I feel lonely” — we begin to soften.
This softening is not weakness. It’s strength.
Brené Brown calls vulnerability “the birthplace of connection and courage.” It’s the point where our walls lower and genuine understanding becomes possible. In therapy, I see this daily — the moment someone allows their true feeling to emerge, insight and compassion follow soon after.
Try This: Explore What’s Underneath
Next time you notice a strong emotion, pause before reacting and ask yourself:
What am I feeling right now?
What happened just before this feeling arose?
Is there a softer or more sensitive emotion underneath?
What might this feeling need from me — comfort, boundaries, rest, reassurance, or honesty?
You may discover that anger hides hurt, or guilt hides sadness.By staying curious instead of judging, you begin to reclaim emotional choice.
In Therapy — and in Life
In therapy, identifying primary emotions helps clients:
Clarify their needs and values
Understand emotional triggers
Reduce reactive cycles
Strengthen compassion and connection
Outside therapy, this awareness helps us communicate more clearly and respond to others with greater empathy. It’s how we turn emotional chaos into clarity — not by suppressing feelings, but by listening to what lies beneath them.
🌱 Final Thoughts
Understanding your emotional layers isn’t about dismissing secondary emotions. They developed for a reason — to protect you when vulnerability didn’t feel safe. But when we start recognising our primary emotions, we begin to reconnect with a truer, more grounded version of ourselves.
“You can’t always believe everything you feel — but you can learn to listen more wisely.”
As Carl Rogers once said, “What is most personal is most universal.”When we allow ourselves to feel what is personal, we make space for healing — both within and between us.
References
Cowen, A. S., & Keltner, D. (2017). Self-report captures 27 distinct categories of emotion bridged by continuous gradients. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 114(38), E7900-E7909.
Damasio, A. R. (1994). Descartes' Error: Emotion, Reason and the Human Brain. G.P. Putnam's Sons.
Ekman, P. (1992). An argument for basic emotions. Cognition & Emotion, 6(3-4), 169-200.
Plutchik, R. (2001). The nature of emotions: Human emotions have deep evolutionary roots, a fact that may explain their complexity and provide tools for clinical practice. American Scientist, 89(4), 344-350.
Skeeters, R. (2022). Emotion Regulation Hack: Primary & Secondary Emotions. From Borderline to Beautiful: Hope & Help for BPD Podcast.