Why We Shouldn’t Suppress Our Feelings: The Hidden Costs of Bottling Up Emotions — And What Helps

By Melanie Rivera, a BACP Registered Integrative Therapist

Many of us have been conditioned, directly or indirectly, to believe that showing ‘too much’ emotion is a sign of weakness, self-indulgence or a lack of control.

It’s little wonder, then, that so many people become experts at hiding what they feel.

But what really happens when we keep pushing our feelings down?

More importantly, what do we know, from research and therapy practice alike, about how to break this pattern for better mental and physical health?

Why Do People Suppress Emotions?

Emotional suppression is the deliberate attempt to inhibit the outward signs of feelings such as sadness, anger, fear or even joy (Gross & John, 2003). For some, it is learned early — perhaps from caregivers who discouraged crying or shamed displays of anger. For others, it develops as a coping mechanism to survive challenging circumstances, like a stressful job or a difficult relationship.

Sometimes people suppress because they fear being judged, rejected, or burdening others. Many believe that if they ‘just don’t think about it’ or ‘don’t talk about it’, painful feelings will disappear. Sadly, this is rarely the case.

What Are the Consequences of Bottling Up Feelings?

Research consistently shows that suppressing emotions comes at a cost — both psychologically and physically.

Psychologically, suppression often backfires. Instead of making unwanted feelings disappear, it keeps them simmering beneath the surface. Studies show that people who habitually suppress emotions experience more negative feelings and fewer positive ones over time (Gross & Levenson, 1997). They are also more likely to feel inauthentic or disconnected in their relationships (Gross & John, 2003).

Physically, the costs can be surprisingly significant. Suppression has been linked to increased stress responses in the body — raising heart rate and blood pressure (Chapman et al., 2013). Over time, this heightened stress reactivity can contribute to a greater risk of stress-related illnesses and even earlier mortality (Chapman et al., 2013).

When it comes to mental health, the evidence is especially strong for depression. A major meta-analysis found that habitual suppression is significantly associated with depressive symptoms and poorer well-being (Aldao et al., 2010). When we keep our feelings inside, they don’t simply vanish — they can fuel low mood, anxiety, and a sense of being stuck.

What Helps — And Why Facing Our Feelings Matters

If suppressing feelings can be harmful, the alternative is not to let our emotions run wild, but to learn healthier ways to notice, process and express them.

Speaking with a trained counsellor or psychotherapist can be transformative, providing a safe space to unpack and process feelings that have been hidden away for years.

There are well-established therapeutic approaches that help people process and express emotions more effectively.

Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT), developed by Paul Gilbert, helps people who struggle with high levels of shame and self-criticism to develop a kinder, more soothing inner voice. By cultivating compassion towards oneself, clients can gently undo old habits of harsh self-judgement and emotional suppression (Kirby et al., 2017).

Similarly, Mindfulness-Based approaches, such as Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), teach practical skills for noticing and accepting feelings without being overwhelmed by them. Research shows these approaches reduce relapse rates in depression by helping people face emotions with non-judgemental awareness, rather than pushing them away (Teasdale et al., 2000; Kuyken et al., 2016).

Emotion-Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT) goes a step further, creating a safe space to explore suppressed feelings in depth and transform them through supportive dialogue and experiential techniques (Greenberg, 2015). A similar adapted, manualised version used in NHS settings is called Person-Centred Experiential Counselling for Depression (PCE-CfD).

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) teaches people to spot and reframe unhelpful beliefs about emotions — replacing rigid self-criticism with more balanced thoughts.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helps people face their feelings instead of avoiding them, using mindfulness to observe emotions without being overwhelmed by them (Hayes et al., 1999).

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) gives people practical skills to tolerate distress and regulate strong feelings without bottling them up or acting impulsively (Linehan, 1993).

All of these approaches share one thing: they teach that emotions are not the enemy. Instead, feelings are valuable information about our needs, boundaries, and desires. When we learn to approach them with curiosity — rather than fear or shame — we give ourselves the chance to heal, connect, and live more authentically.

Final Thoughts

Suppression might feel like control, but it often keeps us stuck. The good news is that we don’t have to stay there. Learning to notice, accept and express feelings — safely and skilfully — is not only possible, but proven to help us feel better, relate better and live longer.

If you’re someone who has spent years bottling things up, you don’t have to unpack it all at once. A skilled therapist can help you start small, build emotional awareness, and develop trust in your own capacity to feel — and heal.

References

Aldao, A., Nolen-Hoeksema, S. & Schweizer, S. (2010) Emotion-regulation strategies across psychopathology: A meta-analytic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(2), 217–237.

Chapman, B. P., Fiscella, K., Kawachi, I., Duberstein, P., Muennig, P. & Glymour, M. M. (2013) Emotion suppression and mortality risk over a 12-year follow-up. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 75(4), 381–385.

Gross, J. J. & Levenson, R. W. (1997) Hiding feelings: The acute effects of inhibiting negative and positive emotion. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 106(1), 95–103.

Gross, J. J. & John, O. P. (2003) Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348–362.

Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D. & Wilson, K. G. (1999) Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An Experiential Approach to Behavior Change. New York: Guilford Press.

Kirby, J. N., Tellegen, C. L. & Steindl, S. R. (2017) A meta-analysis of compassion-based interventions: Current state of knowledge and future directions. Behaviour Therapy, 48(6), 778–792.

Kuyken, W., et al. (2016) Efficacy of mindfulness-based cognitive therapy in prevention of depressive relapse: An individual patient data meta-analysis from randomised trials. JAMA Psychiatry, 73(6), 565–574.

Teasdale, J. D., Segal, Z. V., Williams, J. M. G., Ridgeway, V. A., Soulsby, J. M. & Lau, M. A. (2000) Prevention of relapse/recurrence in major depression by mindfulness-based cognitive therapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 68(4), 615–623.